The Other Shoe

The Other Shoe, 4/27/08

In recognition of this beautiful man and marriage with which I have been blessed, I will not squander, flaunt and take it for granted.
Nor will I be afraid of its loss, limiting our potential by fear.

I will be ever-so grateful!
And I will show my humility by endeavoring to support a path of service,
love,
sacrifice,
happiness,
good,
strength,
growth,
beauty,
kindness,
consultation,
patience,
mercy,
honesty...

We will be a "fortress of well-being."
A stronghold of good.
A home.

We must be happy, despite any difficulty.

I love you, Alex, mi amor. And I thank God for you in my life. May we bring happiness to others. May we bring a smile to 'Abdu'l-Baha's face.

_______________
This is a journal entry from a few days ago (gasp!). Yes, I am making it public. :)

Sometimes I find myself worrying. I worry over Alex's and my long drives to see each other, or what the doctor might say about some weird symptom...or whatever else I cannot, don't want to, imagine. When one finds happiness, I think it is natural to feel like at any moment the other shoe could drop. I'm not a fan of that mentality, though. What good does it really do? Nonetheless, I still feel it sometimes.

I've also found myself fearing my own lack of appreciation. I wonder if I am grateful enough; if my insufficient recognition of the wonderful things in my life could take them away from me.

Alex and I talked of these concerns a few times in the weeks before our wedding. "What if our test is to lose this?"

A few days before the wedding, Alex's mom told us of a dream she had had (which she can also tell much more accurately). She saw Alex and I, and our family generations ahead. She sensed that so long as our family's goals were always, always, always centered around service to God and humanity, we would enjoy happy marriages, long lives, health, and prosperity.

That sounds great, no?! Well, there's still the whole "so long as our family's goals are always, always, always centered around service to God and humanity thing." Whew. That's hard work!

...yup.

So, it's been a while.

Around six months, to be exact. Alex and I had many grand intentions of keeping regular updates on this new-fangled blog, and have disappointed our generation's techno-savvy, blog-obsessed standards.

Hopefully, it's been for good reason.

You already know, we got married. That was a biggie! Our first six months have been blissful. ...anyone who's been one half a newly married couple knows that "blissful," for the purposes of describing the life of matrimony, more correctly means, "It's as good as what you work for, and good is really good." We're working hard, and we're loving it.

One of the things we're working on is catching up on little details like, oh, say, thank you cards! You should be watching out for yours in an "inbox" near you. Yes, your "inbox." We recently realized that without your house addresses (we sent you e-card invitations, for goodness sakes!), the journey intended for the stack of cards and envelops purchased for the purpose of conveying what truly is our most heart-felt appreciation to each of you, can only be somewhat stunted. That's okay - the trees are happier for it. Instead, you should find a message of thanks accompanied by a few pictures of us and a peek at what your lovely gift is up to these days.

If you haven't seen them already, look to up and to the right! You can also find them at the following links:
Wedding and
Reception

We (actually) plan to keep this place a little more up to date from now on. :)

Hope to see you soon!
With love,
Tia and Alex

It's a Journey, Not a Destination

I read an article today entitled, "8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage." Appropriate, I know, given that I've, apparently, got about one month - no, exactly - to understand these eight things! Hmph.

The article just so happened to be one of many showcased on MSN's homepage. You know how that happens sometimes - the things going on in your life seem to pop up everywhere. I haven't decided if I believe that phenomena has more to do with the Alchemist's theory, that everything in the world convenes to aid you in fulfilling your Personal Legend, or if it is that you notice things in the world simply because they are on your mind.

Needless to say, marriage has definitely been on my mind! Alex and I have had many exploratory discussions about what we think we can guess about what marriage will be like. (Got that? "...what we can guess..." Ha. That's right!) This is all in the light of the Writings of the Baha'i Faith, which means these conversations can get pretty involved. "What does it mean to become "even as one soul" while recognizing that each partner will always have an independent relationship with God?" What is our responsibility, then, in terms of assisting in each other's personal growth and success? What is the significance and the implications of marriage being an actual "Institution of God"? What can we understand about this step in our lives now, and what do we simply need to experience?

While this article was a bit less 'out there' in terms of it's philosophical spectrum, it did offer a few pedazos of thought that touched on something deep and resonating.

The author, Ylonda Gault Caviness, the wife of a ten+ year marriage, supposes, "When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you'll be happy together until death do you part." She then reveals, "Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for."

The kicker? Her challenge: "Actually, it is."

Caviness goes on to describe, "You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills."

This is where you begin to wonder about your choice, about getting married at all. Maybe there's a little disappointment, a little sadness at supposed things lost. Then she clarifies: "It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium."

When I read those last few lines, I imagined the life of two people who got married and then found themselves at home, with all the correct mixing bowls and towel sets, 9-5 jobs and evening engagements, but without that magical something.

When I imagine the life of a couple, who very well may have all the same kitchenware and linens filling their cupboards, but has 'the magic,' I also see their expectation for something more! They look at their lives and those fancy new gifts and think, "These are just the tools! These are the means to an end that is unimagineably real, the best part being, we have no idea what it is." Their growth has not reached it's limit simply because they can mark an 'x' next to the words, "Get married," as a sort of proof to everyone who is watching. The word "tedium" is just not part of their vocabulary - contentment and continuous growth are. Their life is about expectation. Their life is about an expectation to fall flat on their faces, but get right back up again - together; an expectation that their life will absolutely be, blissfully difficult.

And I am so excited!!!