It's a Journey, Not a Destination

I read an article today entitled, "8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage." Appropriate, I know, given that I've, apparently, got about one month - no, exactly - to understand these eight things! Hmph.

The article just so happened to be one of many showcased on MSN's homepage. You know how that happens sometimes - the things going on in your life seem to pop up everywhere. I haven't decided if I believe that phenomena has more to do with the Alchemist's theory, that everything in the world convenes to aid you in fulfilling your Personal Legend, or if it is that you notice things in the world simply because they are on your mind.

Needless to say, marriage has definitely been on my mind! Alex and I have had many exploratory discussions about what we think we can guess about what marriage will be like. (Got that? "...what we can guess..." Ha. That's right!) This is all in the light of the Writings of the Baha'i Faith, which means these conversations can get pretty involved. "What does it mean to become "even as one soul" while recognizing that each partner will always have an independent relationship with God?" What is our responsibility, then, in terms of assisting in each other's personal growth and success? What is the significance and the implications of marriage being an actual "Institution of God"? What can we understand about this step in our lives now, and what do we simply need to experience?

While this article was a bit less 'out there' in terms of it's philosophical spectrum, it did offer a few pedazos of thought that touched on something deep and resonating.

The author, Ylonda Gault Caviness, the wife of a ten+ year marriage, supposes, "When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you'll be happy together until death do you part." She then reveals, "Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for."

The kicker? Her challenge: "Actually, it is."

Caviness goes on to describe, "You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills."

This is where you begin to wonder about your choice, about getting married at all. Maybe there's a little disappointment, a little sadness at supposed things lost. Then she clarifies: "It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium."

When I read those last few lines, I imagined the life of two people who got married and then found themselves at home, with all the correct mixing bowls and towel sets, 9-5 jobs and evening engagements, but without that magical something.

When I imagine the life of a couple, who very well may have all the same kitchenware and linens filling their cupboards, but has 'the magic,' I also see their expectation for something more! They look at their lives and those fancy new gifts and think, "These are just the tools! These are the means to an end that is unimagineably real, the best part being, we have no idea what it is." Their growth has not reached it's limit simply because they can mark an 'x' next to the words, "Get married," as a sort of proof to everyone who is watching. The word "tedium" is just not part of their vocabulary - contentment and continuous growth are. Their life is about expectation. Their life is about an expectation to fall flat on their faces, but get right back up again - together; an expectation that their life will absolutely be, blissfully difficult.

And I am so excited!!!